The long hot Indian summer has finally given way to the chill of autumn and winter. I love this time of year. I actually love all the seasons but autumn into winter is my favourite, trees shedding their leaves kinda makes me feel like there’s change a foot, with Halloween, bonfires, Christmas, blankets, woolly tights and fairy lights to look forward to I think it kind of gives me hope, like each season change is a mini new start. I’m sitting here thinking about this, keeping the chill off my legs with a big soft blanket, the autumn sun is streaming through the windows of my little bungalow, my dog laying at my feet looking up at me, my husband is watching the telly and my son is laying next to me in his cushion, grinning at me.
My son has just turned six months old, it’s really exciting that this milestone coincides with the change in season. I’m super excited that we’ve made it through the first six months and can’t wait to watch him grow through the winter months.
Behind me is a high chair still full of half eaten baby food, wet wipes and a pumpkin covered bib that I really should clean up, but I’m enjoying a moment of peace so I decide to leave it for a bit longer, my small house is rapidly filling up with baby crap, the last thing I googled was how to fold up a jumperoo – not easily it turns out.
I’m constantly looking at ways to store all the never ending baby supplies that I seem to be accumulating and I seem to be forever reorganising and rearranging my house, it’s getting there, slowly, until the next toy arrives and the whole process starts all over again…
I get up at 5am these days, and I’m used to surviving on only a few hours sleep, I can’t really remember what it feels like not to be tired, sleep deprivation is definitely linked, for me, to mental illness, but somehow I’m managing. Self care is definitely harder now but I’m still finding small ways to take care of myself.
We dressed my little dude up for Halloween, we sat in the garden, wrapped up warm next to a mini fire and watched the sky for fireworks on bonfire night, and now I’m counting the days until I can cover our home in fairy lights and glitter for his first Christmas, trips to see Santa and snuggles with my boy watching cheesy Christmas films on Christmas 24 are all ahead of us, and whilst I’m on maternity leave I can actually sit at home watching Christmas movies all day without guilt (the truth is I’m lucky if I get to sit down for an hour a day so I feel absolutely no shame in looking forward to this!)
The last six months has definitely had its challenges, hormones, uncertainty, a hint of post natel depression and the biggie, lack of sleep – I feel like I can cope with anything if I can just get some sleep but lack of sleep is what causes my blues, uncertainty and endless worry, one day I’m sure I’ll sleep again – but I love being a mum. I love spending my days with my little dude at home or out with friends, I have plenty of times when I go out without him too, my mum loves to babysit so I get lots of me time, but I love hanging out with my boy. It’s amazing how much more confident I’ve got in the last six months and how in that short space of time I’ve got to know this little tiny human and helped him develop his cheeky, sweet, sensitive, playful, happy personality. That tiny human that I held in my arms watching the storm from my hospital bed six months ago has become a strong and funny little boy, I spend my days with him and my precious doggie, watching as they become friends he walks by the side of the stroller, wagging his tail proudly on our daily walks, were a team, my furry friend, my little dude, daddy and me and although we’re still at the start of our great adventure it’s like he’s always been here, waking me up at night, crying when I walk away from him, grinning at me in the morning, laughing at my singing, playing games with daddy, driving our home into chaos and making us complete…