Well I’m a little bundle of joy today, or not!
I’m miserable! I rolled out of bed on the wrong side, once again struck with this horrid cold that I only got rid of a week ago, I’m shattered beyond belief.
So I know that I have what I wanted, I’m growing a human and I’m a mum to be, and I’m beyond delighted about that but here’s the thing about depression, it’s pretty indiscriminate about when it hits. Here I am, finally blessed with a baby and I’m feeling so low. I have been told that as a depression sufferer I am more likely to suffer with pre and post natal depression – gosh it just keeps on giving doesn’t it?
I refuse to feel ashamed of feeling low at what should be a happy time in life. It is a happy time, the thing is, and there is, I’m sure, woman out there that will disagree, pregnancy makes me feel very vulnerable – I have to rely on other people to do things I’m used to doing myself, lifting things that suddenly are too heavy for me as a pregnant woman, being too tired and achy to walk the distances I usually walk, feeling sick and not having the energy to do stuff I’m used to doing. My low immune system constantly failing to fight off illness. I’m not feeling like my strong and independent self. So I’m reacquainting myself with the Happy List, A list of things that make me smile, that remind me what it means to be me, my favourite tool for beating the blues….
💙Hearing my baby boys heartbeat yesterday 💙buying baby clothes 💙 New sofas arriving (finally) today 💙New hair -appointment tonight! 💙Only 5 months until maternity leave 💙 Autumn, the most beautiful season 💙 maternity yoga pants – the most comfortable item of clothing ever made 💙Lighter mornings, walking to work in the dark was starting to suck! 💙 7 weeks til Christmas! 💙 Music – Jarvis Cocker to be exact this morning 💙Shops filled with Christmas decorations and glitter – it makes me smile 💙The Christmas movie channel – it is a little too early but before long I can spend my days off watching low budget Christmas movies, bliss 💙Fireworks displays to go to this weekend 💙Autumnal dog walks in my new neighbourhood 💙 Only one more day in the office this week 💙Getting to hang out with my nieces and this weekend 💙 Roast dinners 💙Garlic Soup 💙Mentoring young artists💙Learning to let go of things I no longer need 💙