Monday morning: I get on the train to work at silly o clock in the morning, a time that didn’t really exist when I was in theatreland, and I know it’s going to be a bad day when the train’s delayed, and when it does turn up if I don’t get on the train at the right door and I’m not on the ball I end up with nowhere to sit, when I get off the train I get pushed past by the same rude guy and his fold up bike that pushes past me every day, I walk past the same 2 old boys having a smoke outside the same newsagents, I walk past the same cleaner in the shopping centre, I walk past the same mean woman in the car park smoking and slagging her colleagues off to some poor boy in a suit puffing on a vape, I’m not even at work yet and I’m already bored out of my mind!
I love a bit of routine, and I definitely need some balance, but since I left the arts for a new “normal” job I find that routine seems to dictate my whole life and I still don’t have time for anything else, and weirdly, it’s throwing me off balance.
There are some plus points, evenings and weekends off, without exception. I have to get up mega early every day so dog walks in early morning summer sun or winter sunrise are great. I love being out when the streets are silent and the rest of the world sleeps, of course once I’m home it’s all a huge rush to get everything organised and get out the door on time to make the train-which I only ever do by a fraction of a second, apart from today because I was so late, I was certain I would miss it, luckily though the train was delayed…So I guess that’s a good thing really, maybe it’s actually going to be a good day….
It’s about perspective isn’t it? I always knew working in an office wouldn’t be for me, but I thought that it would be easy and not intrusive on my life so I could focus on the other things that are important to me. Looking after the wellness of myself and my family, retraining in counselling, blogging, having fun with friends, seeing theatre without working on it. On a Monday morning after a good weekend all of those things seem entirely possible, but normally by the time Friday rolls around I’m so exhausted it all feels impossible-I would have struggled to fit everything in, and feel completely deflated having achieved nothing at work, not finished my college work, not managed to keep the house clean, will feel unbalanced and miserable….But does it have to be like this? Of course not, it’s about perspective.
So today, instead of feeling exhausted just by the thought of everything I’m doing this week I’m choosing to feel excited by all the great things that are happening. College tonight, 2 pieces of theatre to see, a warm week of sunshine….
Anything could happen this week….