The Thoughts Keeping Me Awake at Night….

I’m so ready for my life to change,I think I’d make a really good mum, I mean I’d like the chance to try. I know suffering with anxiety will make it harder, and the fact that my mind becomes fragile if I don’t get the right balance will be hard with a child, I think sometimes People assume I wouldn’t cope but I know that’s not true, and we haven’t got any money, this worries me the most to be honest, but we will find a way, and I will try my best to be a fun, caring and free spirited mother if only I could have the chance. I think I have good values and morals in life and I could bring a child up to do good in the world. But I’m so scared that I won’t ever get the chance. Sometimes I feel sure that I can’t have children, but is that just paranoia? And is that paranoia and negativity stopping it from happening? A person could go crazy thinking about this stuff. Sometimes I’m not even sure if my husband wants children, or if he’s just going along with it to keep me happy, maybe he’s secretly hoping that we can’t and life can carry on as normal. If that’s the case, and he doesn’t want children and is lying to me, then will our relationship last? Should we have talked about his stuff earlier? I love him and wouldn’t stop loving him if he didn’t want children, but would I become resentful? I wonder what our child will look like and how they will sound, I wonder if I will feel differently as a mother and I wonder if I’ll ever have the chance to find out….

5 thoughts on “The Thoughts Keeping Me Awake at Night….

  1. I can’t speak for all men, but I know how desperate my wife is to be a mum and how much she feels every attempt that isn’t successful. I absolutely want to be a dad, but it’s less of a rollercoaster for me every time. Not sure why but I guess I’m not so involved on a physical level (let’s be honest my contribution is pretty easy). I’m always disappointed too but actually more for her than anything else. It’s not fair but it is easier for me to cope with, which could seem to her like I’m not bothered about being a father, which I am, but I don’t want to put more pressure on her because she’s putting so much on herself already. Plus, when all is said and done, as long as I have her, I have everything I need and children would just be a bonus. I don’t know if that’s an insight into the male psyche or just my own…


    1. Thank you for writing this, it really is a great insight! And I think exactly what my husband would say as well. There are so many complex emotions around trying to conceive and fertility it is easy to let your insecurities run away with you, thank you for helping to put my fears into perspective. Also wishing you and your wife success

      Liked by 1 person

  2. This is very easy to relate to… who knew life was going to be this uncertain and confusing? Babies used to be a very black & white idea in my mind: yes, I want to have one, one day, of course… then ‘one day’ turns up, after you hit 35 or so… and life is full of baffling questions and the certainty of youth is shattered as everything suddenly depends on millions of variables, both practical and biological. And luck- so much is down to luck. Still sending you all my love and optimism. XXXXXX

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hello my lovely, thanks for this,it’s so easy to get bogged down with the what ifs and whys of life isn’t it? I think about this stuff so much, but am trying to fill my head with happy thoughts. Let’s plan some fun soon xx


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