This morning I was late for work, I got up late, missed breakfast, walked the dog, I had to run for the train, arrived at work feeling like a drowned rat, it’s not a great look. I’m over weight, my hair never looks how I want it to and I lack all kinds of confidence. But here I am, I am me, I left my job in theatre because I was bullied by a man twice my age with half the experience I had, with that I left behind enhanced maternity pay and a career I loved, so now I’m trying to find ways to make up the shortfall during maternity leave so I can actually afford to try for a baby. I’m trying to take on work from home jobs on top of my full time job and I’m trying to up skill myself so I can earn enough to not be a mum that works full time. It’s a huge worry, I’m tired all the time and I suffer with glass half empty syndrome.
Tonight I’m meeting a really wonderful old friend for prosecco and take away, she’s got an almost two year old son and her perfect husband has just left her, for no good reason, she’s had to move back to her home town and give up her dog and a pretty lovely life that she had made for herself, but she’s not whining. She’s strong and she’s beautiful and she deserves better.
I am a hot mess today (I mean literally, I’m a sweaty mess because I ran for the train and I’m not very fit!)
I worry about what people see when they look at me. I want to smile at everyone and it upsets me that they don’t all smile back. I worry about things that really shouldn’t matter, but somehow, to me, they do. I’m sensitive beyond belief and have a real problem with comparing myself to everyone around me, but just because I haven’t got a lot of confidence and I write about wellbeing and like pink and wear unicorn socks, don’t underestimate me.
It is not so long ago that, as a woman, I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to earn more money then my husband and I find it disgraceful that women are still thought of as lesser than men. I’m a feminist but I’m not a man hater, I love men, I love women. My achievements are no more special then my husbands. But I do believe that women are expected to be everything at the same time, I’m not going to list why and what, we all know that, but I am going to say that women are wonderful and strong and beautiful. I have strengths and I have weaknesses as we all do, it’s human, we need to remember to celebrate who we are, today and everyday. Look how far women have come through history, I can’t wait to see what we can achieve next….