Birthday Reflection….

I’ve always loved crystals. I’ve always believed in their healing power and always had them in my house. But recently more than ever. This last year I haven’t left the house without wearing my chakra bracelet, someone once told me that you hold onto crystals as long as you need their power, and once you don’t need them anymore you often lose them, and they find their way to someone else. I’ve just had my birthday, and with that have spent a lot of time reflecting on the last year, when I was getting ready to go out on my birthday, with my husband and a couple of friends I went to put my chakra bracket on and it snapped, all the tiny crystal chips fell off and scattered all over the floor, I was gutted but it seems to me pretty fitting symbolism. Talismans only work while you need them, it seems to me maybe I’ve evolved this year, and don’t need my chakra bracelet anymore (I’ve totally bought a new one just in case!)

I’ve just turned 37, and this year has been a huge turning point in my life. So many things have happened. My first whole year of marriage, (not as easy as I thought, even though we’ve been together for 10 years) trying (and not succeeding) to make a baby, dealing with being horribly bullied at work and feeling generally shitty about life. My career was a huge part of my identity and I found it really devastating to my well being that I was being bullied, and intentially dismissed to the degree that I didn’t have any faith in myself or confidence in my ability to do a job I’ve made a career out of for 20 years. In fact, it was that, coupled with some long standing self esteem issues from my past (we’ll get to that another time) that made me start this journey in the first place. Psychology tells us that we cannot help but be affected by things that happen to us, normally as really young children, and that can form our fears and behaviours through adult life, now I don’t claim to be a psychologist or really know anything about it, I just find human behaviour interesting and know that I have some stuff from my past (I guess we all do) that makes me slightly shy and very under confident. I was fed up of letting those same old issues hold me back and fed up of letting this bully at work make me feel miserable all of the time, I wanted to be brave. so I decided to change the way I lived my life,I thought about the tools I use to feel good about myself,  I armed myself with them, opened up my mind to change,  went to see a therapist, and hence began my journey…..

I thought I was beginning my journey to help me have a more positive and healthy body and mind which would in turn help me figure out what I wanted in life, help me brush off mean remarks from a bully and help make get my body and mind ready for making and growing babies. I had no idea how far this journey would take me. I actually like the person I am for the first time ever. I’ve started to embrace fear and feel more confident and I’ve learned so much about strength and taking responsibility for my own actions. I could almost thank the bully at work…almost.

My family have been through devastating and unexpected change this year and I feel like my wellbeing journey has helped me to face it with strength and positivity.

Life is hard but  I’ve learned that there are no rules.I try and live in a simple and intentional way. I try to see the positive as much as possible, I can’t always be positive, but I’m learning how to care for myself when negativity hits . I have a long way to go, but that’s what life is isn’t it? A journey, full of twists and turns and it sounds like a huge cliche but I’ve really learned not to take anything for granted, that the unexpected can and will happen and that we never know what’s around the corner so I try and be thankful for every single day and have faith that the universe has a plan. I don’t want to sound airy fairy about it all because it can be rough, but the journey doesn’t end, well hopefully not for a long time anyway, so we might as well try and learn as much as we can, cry when we have to, laugh when we want to, scream, shout, dance, write, fuck, play, achieve, hope, dream, help as many people as we can and enjoy the ride…

4 thoughts on “Birthday Reflection….

  1. Happy birthday! You sound like you’ve had A Year. I hope this year is a great one for you and smoother sailing than last year, with zero bullying and a happy and loving second year of marriage and just general loveliness on all sides.


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