Onwards and Upwards..

I didn’t expect to be waking up with the January blues on day 2 of the year, but that’s what happened. It’s the last day of my holiday but instead of enjoying a lay in I was wide awake at 6.30 this morning, my little brain ticking over everything that’s happened over the last few months, thinking about my new job, a total career change… Am I nuts? Changing my job at the same time as trying to have a baby? I’m giving up an enhanced maternity payment in my current job and how can I afford to do that? Can I really leave the arts? Is it going to drive me insane not being an arts professional anymore? What the fuck am I doing? Will I ever have babies anyway? I’m 36, is it too late to start a family? Are we too poor? Too irresponsible? Why didn’t we start earlier? So many questions and anxieties. My morning was spent mulling over these anxieties until I felt like I had done everything wrong,cleaning my messy house, my mind wouldn’t stop comparing my life to everyone else’s and coming up short.

So when these moments come – and they will come – they happen to all of us now and again, what do we do about them?

Well what I did was to stop for a minute and look around, pause to appreciate what I have, my house is a mess, needs work, and is full of crap, but it’s also full of love and my nice things. Then we stuck our wellies, big coats and sunglasses on and went out for a walk in the woods with our dog, friends and their adorable little girl. It was freezing cold and the low sun shone over everything. A lovely way to blow the cobwebs away, after splashing in muddy puddles and chasing our dog we came back home, warmed up with hot chocolate and chatted and laughed until the sun went down.

Now my husband and I are sat in our pajamas, eating cheese and biscuits and those negative thoughts couldn’t be further away.

Do I still have all those questions about whether I’m making the right choices in my life? Yeah,sure I do. I’m terrified about the thought of becoming a parent, but equally terrified of not becoming a parent. A new career is scary, and not particularly well timed, who knows what will happen next, but I’m absolutely sure that whatever comes next, at this moment, I’m right where I need to be….

6 thoughts on “Onwards and Upwards..

  1. I definitely have my days of doubt, that’s for sure!! And then, I have these days where I am just sitting on top of the world! It feels so good! I try and think of the good days when I have my doubt days…. and just ride the doubt days, you know, one minute at a time, sometimes!! 😉 I listen to this guy named Kyle Cease on Youtube, and he says, “Fall in love with not knowing”. I love how he talks and how he helps people thru their stuff. He’s also very entertaining to watch, he’s a comedian as well. Check him out!
    by the way, love your blog name, OnGypsieMountain… I feel very much like a gypsie so the name really caught my eye! Thanks for your post! and try not to stress too much, I’m trying to follow in my daughter’s footsteps, she is very much a “in the moment gal”. And I find I am more calm and centered when I do this! Cheers!!


    1. Hi, thanks very much for reading my blog and for posting. Riding the doubt days and making the most of the good days is the best thing to do! I very much feel like I’m falling in love with the unknown at the moment so will definitely check Kyle Cease out. Thank you for the recommendation x


  2. That’s what they say, you are right where you are suppose to be! I cried reading this, I have had so many different things going down as well, and some days are harder than others, but I try to stay strong and brave and take care of me when I need to…. then I say, one day at a time, and I stop, as well, and appreciate all that I do have, because some people do not have a warm cozy home to live in and food in their bellies, especially good healthy food to nourish the soul and the body…. and walking with my dog helps, taking that bath helps, chatting to my friends and family helps… and writing helps and connecting with people like you help! Thanks for this post, I love the picture too! The best thing that ever happened to me was having my 2 children. They bring me so much love, so many rewards every day! I would do this all over again!!!! They are amazing people and they have touched so many people’s hearts as well! I say, believe in your intuition, believe in your gut feeling, it is always right, and 36 is not too old to have children. I had my first child at 35. And who cares if the house is messy, it’ll all get cleaned up sooner than later! As long as you and your loved ones are healthy and happy…. Hugs, my thoughts are definitely with you! ps sounds like you all had an amazing day!!!


    1. Thank you so much for writing this. It’s so lovely to read! You are right, some days are harder then others, but we must always remember the important things in life. I’m so glad you could relate to my post. I find it great therapy to write and also to connect with other like minded people. Wishing you lots of love and happiness and look forward to continuing to read your posts xx


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