Monday Moaning….

I’m dissatisfied, feeling miserable and sorry for myself, I don’t want to go to work today and I want to live a free spirited life, I feel agitated and fed up with everything and yes this is a whiney Monday morning post. The Positive Fairy Warrior inside me is tired. She’s spent too much time cleaning the house over and over and over and has picked up everyone else’s stress and now she needs a rest. This can all be chalked up to the fact that it’s my very special time of the month any day now, which again makes me feel blue. Another period means another month where there’s no baby. Trying to make babies is long and hard and stressful. I know that it takes lots of couples a really long time to conceive and actually we haven’t been trying that long but the longer it takes to happen the more I feel like there’s something wrong with us and we can’t have them, or we are doing something wrong. I’ve got into this cycle… about a week before my period is due I get quietly excited, and occasionally convince myself of pregnancy symptoms, then inevitably I end up being a couple of days late, so despite telling myself it’s nothing, I can’t help feeling a bit excited, I tell myself, every time, I’ll wait a few days before buying a test, then don’t, I buy one straight away, do it, have a negative result then my period starts the next day. Pretty much every month. Then I spend a couple of days feeling miserable, then I pick myself up and tell myself that at least I can drink at whoevers birthday it is that month or what ever celebration we are attending. I suppose this month it means that I can enjoy Christmas with a glass of bubbly in my hand and start again in the new year. To be honest I was feeling a little weird about the idea of getting pregnant in the same year that’s taken so much from us anyway. I was given some Yesmum positivity cards, these ones are Fertility Cards. I keep forgetting to use them but when I do they remind me that I should try and enjoy this stage and not be negative about the process. Today I drew two cards…

“I am on my own unique journey to becoming a parent” and “It may not be now, but it will be” I’m going to try and keep hold of that, not panic about what hasn’t happened and look forward to what will happen… Thanks Yesmum.

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